WELCOME TO HOLLAND
by Emily Perl Kingsley
I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability. To try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this...
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy! You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michealangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting!
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland!"
"Holland?!!" you say. "What do you mean Holland? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy! All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy!"
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is, they haven't taken you to a horrible, filthy place, full of famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just different place. It's slower paced than Italy. But after you've been there for awhile and you catch your breath, you look around...and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills, and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts!
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy, and they are all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say, "Yes, That's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
And the pain of that will never go away, because the loss of that dream is a very significant loss.
BUT...if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the VERY SPECIAL, THE VERY LOVELY THINGS...about HOLLAND.
I read this and re-read this several times after Paige was born, and it's so very true! Everything that is except the part that says...And the pain of that will never go away, because the loss of that dream is a very significant loss.
For me, I do not feel a loss...not anymore. People have asked me and my husband this question, "If you could change Paige, you know, snap your fingers and make her "normal", would you?" We always say, without hesitation...NO! Her brothers and sisters say the same thing..NO! She is such a joy, such a love, such a ham, such a delight, such a great sister, great daughter, great friend, great person...why then, would we want to change her? She is happy, she loves life, she loves people, she is innocent and sweet. She doesn't notice the ugly in the world, or if she does, she simply moves on, finds the joy and the beauty. Like a little ray of sunshine, alway shining.
When she was four years old I reflected back to the day she was born, life certainly hadn't turned out the way I had imagined on that day. Our life was normal, full and happy. This little girl, who I thought would be a....burden? a trial? Was simply our sweet little daughter, little sister and little ray of sunshine. I was so wrong about everything!! I wished I could go back to the day she was born and relive it all, instead of a pit in my stomach there would be joy in my heart. Instead of looking ahead with a sense of dread and fear, I would be grateful and see the blessings that she would bring. I was so thankful, once again, that through all my protesting Heavenly Father sent me this gift. I wrote this for my sweet little girl...
WHO KNEW?
Who knew that you would bring such joy and happiness into our home?
Who knew that you would give such tight hugs and sloppy kisses?
Who knew that you would smile and laugh most of the time?
Who knew that you would be the bravest when we play boogey man?
Who knew that Whitney would miss you the most when she went away to college?
Who knew that your big brothers would hold you and snuggle you, and not want to put you in bed when you were asleep in their arms?
Who knew that Ashley would call you precious?
Who knew that your family would become a group of cheerleaders, clapping and cheering at every little accomplishment you make?
Who knew that we would smile and laugh watching you dance and twirl on the kitchen floor?
Who knew that you would love snuggling and reading books?
Who knew that because of you we are more accepting and less judgmental?
Who knew that because of you we would meet so many wonderful people who we never would have know?
Who knew that you would bring out the true character in us and other people?
Who Knew? A kind, wise Heavenly Father knew. And we thank Him.
Paige, age 2. I took her to a photo shop in the mall for this pic. We had a long wait before we could get her picture taken so she was very wiggly! It was a small room so I stood behind a light while the photographer got Paige ready, she wouldn't sit still, or smile, or look at the camera! So I peeked out from behind the light and she looked at me, and they snapped the picture : ) So Cute!
